I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just pee around me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
