someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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