It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
