Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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