Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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