i don't like sucking hair
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're like the curious george of whores
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
