Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
