Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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