I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love you. Go after that dick
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize