I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
