mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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