He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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