I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
