Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
