You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Two words: nipple clamps
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