I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
