i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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