Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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