My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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