I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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