I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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