I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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