Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
