"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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