Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's shark week go big or go home
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
