I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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