I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
