After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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