and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
