the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
