Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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