Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
