Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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