Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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