I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
