I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
