??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
