Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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