somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
