if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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