Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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