2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
