Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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