I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
