She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
that is very illegal...i love you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
