I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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