just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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