everyone is single if you try hard enough
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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