my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
