I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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