I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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