I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
