Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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