you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
