i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
