Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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