So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This is the high leading the old right now
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
