Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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