At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ugly people sure do ruin things
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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