so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
