I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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