apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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