Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I love black thongs
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
COCAINE IS GR8
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
