actually, I'm a sock model
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
