Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
