we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
