you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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