sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
