fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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