He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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