TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
