so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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